nicotine; not really

NEW DISCOVERY! actually not THAT new a discovery. guess what can be more addictive than nicotine itself?

Answer: The INTERNET! ;)

okay, maybe almost 3/4 population of the world has discovered that WAY earlier than i did. and i can proudly say that i now OFFICIALLY belong to THAT 3/4 of the world instead of the 1/4.

now, what's so addictive about the internet? EVERYTHING! ;)

these are a few must-haves whenever i open the google chrome browser:

1. FACEBOOK

2. TWITTER

3. YOUTUBE

4. HOTMAIL

yeah, those are old stories. here's something new i enjoy: www.karaokeparty.com & a couple of blogshops.

okay, this is the brighter side of life. let's touch on the not-so-bright side of life: COLLEGE.

*gasp* a new different stage of life is happening so fast. no, i'm not in college YET but will be soon. SCARY. i shall cross my fingers NOW & pray real hard. ;)

contented; or maybe not so.

yes, it is 12th october now. n yes, the "notice board" is updated 3 MONTHS later. maybe i should start my next blog post in a different way since it is always about me not updating my blog. ah! and my BM exam paper says blogging is good. i should so show my parents that. oh! and my english paper says facebook - good or bad?. so there ARE some advantages of facebook. hahaha!!! no, SPM is not over yet. but trials are over so this is like the "pre-freedom" feeling. wait for 2 more months and i'll tell you the "post-freedom" feeling.

3 weeks of studying has definitely been plain torture. but i'm proud to say, I SURVIVED! yeah, i guess those 3 weeks wouldn't be as bad as the following 5 weeks or so. that is what i call as hard core study (hopefully).

i was watching commonwealth games yesterday. as usual, was watching badminton with my parents. i randomly asked my parents while watching, "i found a new ambition. guess what it is?" unfortunately, it never crossed their minds that BADMINTON PLAYER was the answer. it is not, by the way. yes, i'm too old for that now. so i told them i wanted to be the reporter with the camera. i think they got a shock at my answer. see, people always say, "make your passion your career. but how far true is that? like, what's wrong with being that reporter with a camera? i love taking photographs (although i don't own a camera, YET.). so isn't being that reporter with a camera applying to the concept of making your passion your career? and so i wonder how many people actually lives with that concept. because i know i'm having a hard time deciding my future career and THE TIME HAS COME. ;)

study like there is no tommorrow

pfft. the title: quote from my class teacher. sad, sad, sad. in contrast to the title, i think i'm rather enjoying myself like there is no tomorrow. to make things worse, open day is coming real soon. i have no idea what is going to happen because this teacher, is a little different than any other normal class teachers. so yeah, teach me how to survive another few months with her. =.=

yes, the great "Mount of Work" has been standing strong on my study table ever since it was just a little hill. so stubborn that i think even Godzilla can't move it. pfft. then and again, there is only one person who can bring me out of this misery, that is MYSELF. so much of irony huh? here i am, waiting for some hero to save me, yet not realizing that i was SUPPOSED to save myself out of this. boohoo! one thing i realized though. its too much hard work being a hero to save yourself. so, i've decided to declare truce with that stubborn old mount. as long as i don't touch it, it won't touch me. nah, doesn't sound right. if i don't touch it, i'm afraid it might just shoot up way above Mount Everest. it will be a few hundred thousand feet above the ground while i will be six feet underground. so, no no to the declaring truce idea. *sigh* my brain is too dehydrated to think about another solution. don't bother for now.

anyway, just in case you haven't known me well enough, i am an extremely I.T. illiterate person. yeah, n i call myself a 21st century baby. whatever! so, i have finally developed a sudden interest in photo editing. all these while, i have had the passion to take photos but to edit them? nah! actually, to be perfectly honest, i don't have the passion because i don't even know how to use the program. i am like the most fantastic kid on earth. i have all these photo editing program but i do not know how to use them. yes, i am a sad child. anyway, back to point. i've finally learnt how to use the ever-so-famous photo editing program, PHOTOSHOP. but i still have horrible skills. come on, what do you expect a girl who only learnt how to use the program in ONE NIGHT to do? hahaha!!! anyway, i've decided that since i worked hard to learn how to use it, i deserve some bragging rights, don't i? =) so, here it is, my very 1st masterpiece! XD

the original photograph. they are actually mud balls, by the way. =)

the edited version. yup! the work of a beginner, so DON'T LAUGH! XD

the great wall ... ... CRUSHED!

hmmm... wondering what's up with my post title eh? lol. no worries. it's not the GREAT WALL OF CHINA i'm talking about. or rather its just the not-so-great-wall of my tinnie-winnie-little-world. =)

okay, to be more specific. my personal wall of confidence. it seems that my self esteem now a days have been rather low. i wonder why. to be honest, it hasn't been very high before, either. but i can feel the sudden drop of it. if i can picture it in a graph, it would look something like this:
* i have no idea what to label the axes... =) *

anyway, back to the question of the downfall. hmmm. probably i can put it in simpler terms. egoism. yes, i admit, i am as ego as a man or probably even more ego than most of them. hahaha!!! not sure if its a good or bad thing. so yeah, i suppose most of you could have guessed it that my egoism has been challenged lately. yes, i'm trying to take it with a open mind and open heart. so, this "egoism" of mine shall stay here and rest in peace along with this post. =)

conclusion: a new start with less "egoism": good or bad? i don't know. =)

taking it a little too easy eh?

exams are like REAL SOON. yet here i am blogging away early in the morning (okay, maybe not that early). is this exam disease that bad? it seems like everyone is locking themselves up somewhere to study yet here i am so relax. pretty much mtk huh? btw, mtk means "mou tak kau" (direct translation means cannot be saved) maybe it can only be described in ONE WORD: NEVER-LEARN!

just pray hard and cross your fingers that you'll never see another post until june. the next few weeks are like CRUCIAL, CRUCIAL and CRUCIAL. its either i make it or break it. lol. maybe not that serious. probably not as bad as spm.

i need to kick start the "kiasu-ness" in me soon. all thanks to my smarty-pants friends and cousins. whenever i open the book now, all i can think of are all these smarty-pants people. you people make my life miserable! yet i still love you people for your "kiasu-ness". continue spreading the kiasu disease in the class, peeps!

btw, how sad that Malaysia lost the Thomas Cup yesterday. well, at least they did their best, i guess (it rhymes... XD) its just sad to see Datuk Lee Chong Wei play so well and lose to the useless-good-for-nothing-cocky Lin Dan. high time for the Malaysian players to be infected with the kiasu disease like we students. so, be proud to be a student who helped the nation by spreading the kiasu disease. XD

conclusion: may all the people in the world be kiasu. then there'll be no losers but only winners. =)

an extra 'S' to the previous "asses"

after the 3 "asses" yesterday, i've finally found another 's'. that is STONE. yes, i've been skipping school the past 3 days. like i've mentioned yesterday, i was sick to the core. 3 days of mc in the house ain't fun. all i do is just stone at the books. probably i'm taking exams a little too lightly this time (or maybe most of the time). while my friends are striving hard for their A's, here i am stoning in front of the books and computer screen. such a failure huh? i wonder, when will i ever learn my lesson?

initially, i was planning to take A-levels next year. but according to my uncle, its more worth it to take SAM because its a shorter course. maybe its true, but with people like me who procastinates non-stop, is it really better? ahh!!! all the type of stress they put us through. i'll just shut that part of my brain off for the moment till exams are over.

oh! btw, Malaysia is playing in the semi finals for Thomas Cup today. hmmm... might be interesting... can Malaysia make it? probably its the same as can i make it for spm? boohoo! =(

conclusion: stoning in the house just make you go cuckoo! but going to school doesn't make much of a difference... =)

Triple S

yes, my life recently revolves around 3 's'. guess who they are? Stress, Sick and Skype... let's go into the details...

1. why stress? simplest answer, one word: exams

2. why sick? hmm... that's a though one. okay, let's just divert the question a little. instead of WHY sick, let's just say, HOW sick. erm, i had sore throat last week. recovered. then, infected the virus to my dad. somehow or other, he developed flu as well. then, this week, i got the flu virus from him. =.= so i have like 3 days of medical certificate (MC) in two consecutive weeks. 1 from last week and 2 from this week.

3. why skype? ah... i've finally found a new way of studying. SKYPE THE SAVIOUR! =) i've been skyping with sheryl for the past 2 days studying sejarah and biology. the wonders that skype do. we talked for hours and hours FOR FREE. opps! not talk but rather had a real "mini group discussion". hehehe!!! with skype, we can screw our mppj library appointment. hahaha!!! XD

conclusion: my life is currently surrounded by "asses" (pronounce it). stress, study, skype and sick.

its all coming back

yeah, baby! my blogging mood is finally back. erm, let's just make things clear. yes, it is going to be exams soon. yeah, i just realized how my blogging mood actually fluctuates during exam season. u might be thinking that i might be just too bored looking at my same, old "buddy" the whole time. as a matter of fact, i haven't been meeting up with them for ages. high time to search for them and catch up. "buddies", you know? if you get me...

interruptions, distractions and laziness. the factors which are in my way whenever i want to visit my "buddies". *sigh* iu is over and yet there is so much to worry about. homework, MAYBE? nah, couldn't be. MUST BE laziness and procastination. yes, i'm the lazy sort of person, if you didn't know. hahaha!!! weird kid eh? so proud to be lazy. i was read this quote in my physics lab, "procastination is the thief of time". sound quite meaningful right? but neh, not much impact on me. how sad?! boohoo! as much as i agree with that statement, "old habit never dies". hahaha!!!

conclusion: high time to bond with my "buddies".

p/s: just so you know, my "buddies" are actually my studies. not THAT kind of "buddies"... XD

repete

hmmm... i wonder how many of you is scratching your heads thinking what the title means heh? it actually means repeat. yes, i have no idea how many times my blog was dead and resurrected once again that i ran out of titles to name the posts.

i was absorbed into the world of Haiti for the past few months. yes, Haiti as in the country which got hit by a bad earthquake. ugh! now, the word Haiti just makes me shudder. no, it has nothing to do with the country, actually. it was just that the term "Haiti" has been overused in my daily life for the past few months. everyone was talking to me about everything to do with Haiti everywhere. *sigh* well, the truth is, i was actually organizing an international understanding day to raise awareness about Haiti.

the amount of stress i went through the past few months was undescribable! yes, it was a fantastic experience. but then and again, i sat down and question myself, "does this actually make me a better person in life?". i have even directed that question to my parents. as usual, my dad would definitely say a huge YES. to him, it might be a big fat YES but to me, its just an i-don't-know question. my shoulders and muscles were getting more and more stiff as the days go by. that's when i start to pester my dad to get me an OGAWA, OSIM or GINTELL (smart eh? XD). however, plan failed. boohoo! but out of all these disadvantages, i manage to find some advantages of stress, such as LOSE WEIGHT! yes, i lost 3kg during this stress period. couldn't be more than happy about it! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! =)

but now that its over, my "best friends" aka fats are coming back to me. pfft. screw them! and my other kiasu "best friends" aka homework ain't gonna admit or accept what is called DEFEAT. there they are, taking their place at my study table, ready to eat me up with the BIG number of them. yes, this clearly shows how much we hated each other! high time to find a bonding session with them horrible "friends"! =.=

conclusion: the previous conclusion isn't that true after all. its not exam season and i updated my blog! wee!!! hypothesis accepted.

back into the mood

i bring good news! i'm finally back into the mood of blogging. yes, many people have been complaining about my dead blog. my sincere apologies.

hmm... lets see. exams are over and yes, i'm bored now. not because of there's nothing to do. In fact, there are piles of homework calling for me on my study table. i just somehow can't bring myself to touch them. don't bother.

let's reflect back on what happened during the holidays. the first few days were sort of boring. nothing exciting to blog about. here's a funny thing which happened last tuesday night. my mum started offering me an opportunity to try driving. despite the fact that i'm still shocked until now, it was actually sort of fun. according to my parents, i'm a dangerous driver. so, if you see me on the road next time, watch out! XD

conclusion: exams make you blog about random things. =P

pretty much dead huh?!

if there was a "like" button here like they do on facebook, i would have just clicked on that button. pretty much dead huh?! yup! thats the title for my post today after such a loooooooooooooooong time. i'm pretty much surprised myself the fact that i actually remembered my password. lol.

hmm... what brings back a dead blogger to life? mysterious huh? let me know when you've solved the mystery. i obviously don't have an answer to it.

let me emphasize here once again the fact that i always do the wrong things at the wrong time. yes, i'm having exams now and here i am blogging. pretty much a psychopath huh? i wouldn't blame you for thinking so.

conclusion: my blog is only meant to be updated during the exams. stay tune.
(coming up with a new concept which is ending with a conclusion on every of my blog post)

riding on the time machine

heard of the movie "back to the future"? its quite a famous movie about this guy travelling to the future with a time machine which was invented by a mad scientist. sometimes i wonder, how nice would it be if whatever happens in the movies are for real. wouldn't it be so cool to travel in the time machine and go to the future to see what happens and travel back to the past to correct your mistakes? hmmm... it would be interesting, wouldn't it?

at least, i don't have to start jamming my brain thinking about the future over and over again and experience yet another brain jam. then i can see the future and play along with it. nah, i don't want to play God's role. seeing the future might be one thing but in a way, its like playing God's role. so, i'm back to cracking my brain and squeezing brain juices out of my pathetic little brain.

a question i never liked answering and is always trying my best to avoid, "what is your ambition?" the fearful question. boohoo! its not that i don't have anything in mind. pride, perhaps. the fear of embarassment. probably, i'll only answer that question confidently after i've achieved it. i learnt in church that day that being shy is a kind of pride. come to think about it, yeah, its quite true. and knowing that you are humble is also a type of pride. so, okay, from now on, i declare myself as a vain, selfish, spoilt brat. there! no pride in it. lol. you might think what i'm writing here is absurd and i'm not going to blame you. because i think its absurd too. lol.

anyway, back to the future topic, my school had a career exhibition today. yeah, it was quite fun but now it gives me headache. i seriously have no idea what to say about it. those people at their respective exhibition booths are like sales man trying to pull customers and coaxing them by keep blabbering about the advantages of their college or university. seriously, no offense, but i think for a moment there i actually wondered, are these people even con men? lol. then come to think about it, what is there to con pathetic little students like us. my wild imagination i suppose. opps! ah, looking at those flyers (which we took as though it was on sale) makes me sick now. somebody help me! ahhh! and guess what? spm is not even over yet and here i am worrying about college or university. how absurd. boohoo! =(

what a BLOOD-y day!

what a BLOOD-y day it was today! pls do not mistaken me. i don't mean it as in a vulgar word. i was actually dealing with blood as in the red liquid flowing through the bodies of humans and animals, as the oxford dictionary of english would say. no, i'm not that hard-working until i would ransack my whole house for a dictionary just to define a word in my blog. it just so happened that my dictionary was in front of me and it was convinient.

anyway, back to that BLOOD-y topic. church organised a blood donation campaign. went to help as usual. don't question about studying. i don't even want to get close to that heart-aching topic. spent like half a day or more there. you might be wondering what i did there.

okay, so here's what i did. i sat, stared, starting chatting and never stopped. i was put under registration. now, pls don't get me wrong. i wasn't neglecting my job. it was just too bored to be true. i feel that i was there to just collect dust and fill in the space to make the place look not-so-empty. you can say i'm sort of upset. but nah, it was nobody's fault. probably just a little managing skills problem at the managing department. i mean come on, why need like 10 people for registration when you only need four people to keep track of the forms (as if it wasn't too many people) and 1 person to do some running for the coordination of the event. in fact, i think 3 person would be just nice. why waste human resources?

anyway, that was not the BLOOD-y topic actually. the donation was held on the 1st floor. being a jakun, i went to see the set-up of the place and ya-de ya-de ya-de. it seems that the bed they used are the same kind of bed used in the maternity department during birth. however, until now i can't imagine that. pictures will be uploaded later because the pictures are in josephine's phone. wait till you see it! then, they had the normal check-ups before donating blood. the 1st station was checking pressure and weight. the 2nd station was blood test. i actually find it very cool how they determine your blood type. this was how it was done:
1. they apply some alcohol swab on your finger.
2.they prick your finger.
3. they use a droplet to suck up your blood.
4. they place to drop of your blood on a piece of white colour sheet with grids, one drop on one box.
5. they put some yellow chemical on one of the box and some blue chemical on the other.
6. they mix the chemical and the blood together.
7. it seems if your blood is soluble in the blue chemical, your blood is A type. if your blood is soluble in the yellow chemical, your blood is B type. if your blood is soluble in both the chemical, your blood is AB type. if your blood is not soluble in both, your blood is O type.

pretty interesting huh? however, this isaac was blabbering about his biological facts about blood type to the lab assistant that she wrote the wrong blood type for one of the patient. see, how dangerous can being smart be? lol. don't get me wrong. i'm not mocking smart people.

seeing my friends donating blood made me feel excited for some certain unknown reason. i felt that i wanted to donate too but i was underage to donate blood. two more years. *sighs* however, i wanted to pledge my organs in the organ donation counter. so i called my dad and he said i was too young, maybe later. later i suppose. *sighs* wait again. anyway, it was a nice experience seeing so much blood without passing out today. lol. okie, till the pictures are uploaded, cheers! =)

another one of those days

yet another day of lazy-ism. the attempt clearly failed yesterday. spent hours on the computer like i shouldn't AGAIN. the online habit is now back. my fingers are twitching and itching again. oh god! how can i even concentrate on studying now? some help here? *sighs*

probably my affirmation yesterday didn't work as well as i planned. it clearly was a disaster. or else i wouldn't be stuck to this ever so interesting rectangle screen again and my fingers wouldn't be moving along these square little buttons on the keyboard connected to this rectangle screen. when will i ever learn my lesson, i wonder.

i haven't learnt my lesson eventhough yes, i've failed my exams. eventhough it was just a july monthly test, as everyone says, the scar forever remains in my heart and my memory. however, that didn't change much of my attitude towards studies and teach me a valuable lesson, did it? i suppose my only hope left is myself. i should probably google how to make studies interesting and spend like another few hours reading and digesting it while that few hours can actually cramp some biology facts or probably history into this itsy-bitsy-tinnie-winnie brain of mine.

yes, i do miss my life during those days where i can actually do well in my exam. i think i can equate my current situation to the downfall of a person's career. that A which used to be so easy to grasp is like a million miles away from me now. working hard towards it is one thing but getting it is another thing. probably i'm not working hard enough to get to it with my present situation. the ratio of going online to studying is like 5:1. pretty useless huh?

selling the computer would cause too much pain in me. having it in front of me when i can't even use it causes more pain. self control, strong will-power, strong determination is what i currently need to cure myself. till then, wish me luck in persuing my dreams of doing well in exam which i think i just blew it in the last two papers. *sighs* hopefully you wouldn't see another post until the next month... then, i'm officially sucessful! =)

psyched up for exams?

the attempt to psych myself for physics yesterday was just a failure, unfortunately. *sighs* any effective tips on this? spent like hours over hours online. then watched tv. get what i mean when i say i'm always doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. even i can't figure out what my problem is. but was really restless yesterday. the proof that i actually attempted to psych myself for physics.

the condition of my room. more precise, my bed. even my mum couldn't stand it. don't even ask me how i slept. but yeah, that was what happened to me. i discovered that it was easier to study on the bed than the table. don't ask me why. probably its brighter at my bed rather than my study table. pfft. what an excuse.

the paper was not that tough actually. but when i was doing paper 3, my brain literally jammed and i just stared straight at the paper with a blank mind. its not that the questions are hard. my brain must have overworked (from enjoying too much). therefore, i hope my brain will also be jammed when i receive my results. then i'll just stare at it blankly regardless good or bad. =)

now, i'm enjoying myself to the max before going back to psych for bio, sejarah, blah and blah. i came up with an affirmation, no matter how lazy i am, i can do my exam. hopefully it works. shall practice saying it over and over again in front of the mirror. till then, cheerio! =)

my last words!

yes, the title may seem a bit... erm... sad? i think i am dying soon. many of you may have questioned me why i did not go to school on monday. and i would answer, "I was sick". yes, sick in a way, i'm really sick and also probably sick of doing my leo installation preparation.

lets come to the REALLY REALLY sick part (please think straight. i'm innocent. lol). but yes, i mean really really sick as in health condition. i had high fever and sore throat on friday. then, i started having flu. when my mum wanted to drag me to the clinic, i resisted. probably, i was just scared that i might get my frens and family into trouble for having H1N1. in the end, my mum gave me some pills (i was blur at that time and didn't know what pill they were). tried to take a nap after taking the pills.

god! they wouldn't even just let me rest peacefully at home (its not that i want to die - RIP but i just can't find a better word). the moment i wanted to take my nap, my mobile phone starts screaming. i had to pick up the call and go through all the stress again. please let me free!!!

back to the really really sick part. later, i started coughing. i bet any one would start to panic. fever, flu, cough and sore throat. need i say more? when i finally gathered my courage to visit the doctor, i thank god for being proven of NEGATIVE H1N1. however, i'm still coughing badly until now and i have irregular flu. boohoo!

now, lets divert to the sick of leo installation preparation part. why have a committee when you end up doing everything by yourself? thats what i ask myself. btw, i still don't have the answer. i asked pearly how did she handle the stress last year. she said she screams at the person sitting next to her in class. unfortunately, i can't do that coz i'm 100% positive that sheryl will yell at me louder. so, no good! next, i asked justine how she handled her stress. she said she cry. no, that's out of my list too. eventually, i can up with my own solution... SMILE! i'm spreading the news of my smile therapy to everyone. =) apparently, i smile when i'm stressed now.

oh! here comes the best part. people loose weight when they're sick or stressed. unfortunately for me, i think i GAINED weight. oh god! what a failure! boohoo! T.T

just being the me!

now, i shall start my post with a prayer...

dear god, please help me with whatever i'm doing with my life now... amen!

i think i can sort of say that i AM seriously messed up with my life. the 4 fantastic factor that contributes to my messed up life:

1. homework (major factor) - TRYING to work hard to clear my pile of homework, yet... i shall let you imagine. with the amount of homework piling up like Mt Everest (okay, a little bit of exaggerating), here i am lazing around and keep consoling myself with the famous quote, "later lar!"... see! that is what happen to lazy people like me. due to this, i have to stay up late every night and look like a zombie. believe it or not, i sleep with the lights on every night on weekdays. it is not that i am afraid of the dark, i am actually afraid that i will fall asleep with my homework left uncompleted the following day. god, why do i have to be so lazy?

2. piano - my practical exam is on the 14/08/2009. yes, that means i have less than 10 lessons before my exam (thats what my teacher says every lesson). and my teacher is DEFINATELY NOT nodding her head. bad sign! to make things worse, she actually told my mum that no, i am not prepared for my exam. guess what is the best part? she is going to give me (an unprepared student) a trial exam tomorrow. how great can that be?

3. installation - installation is less than 2 weeks. this is what i hear everytime ,"what is happening?" geez! what a good question! so much for the no last minute work. actually, it is not that last minute. but...

4. exams - july exams are coming, unfortunately. here i am still blurring in class. how to score leh? haizzz. to make things better, i am also starting to have the "anti-tuition" feeling which i used to have. this is just great! everytime my exams are around the corner, here i am having that feeling of plain laziness. this is when i start finding excuses to skip my tuitions. fantastic man! a stupid girl here who can't score in exams is talking about skipping tuition. what a spoilt brat! boohoo.

you think i'm busy? let me tell you this, "no, i'm not". this is just plain, back to the same old word - LAZINESS! ha! my mum would be glad to hear that. it seems like i know it but i'm not doing anything about it. boohoo! =(